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I cant seem to think strait. All those weeks (with more to come) seem to have drained me of ideas for poems are things to write about. It like a winters storm in my head. I have a thought and then.. it vanishes. Suprising I know!! Anyways I cant wait until fair this year. My horse Sonny and I should do AMAZING!!! haha well hopefully. Im mostly looking forward to the speed events because those are the most fun. And yes their fun becasue I like totally kick ass in them. Which is good to a level. But it gets kinda anoying when soo many people dislike you because your good at something to the point that they'll do anything to get you banned from show place. Truely sad. But Oh well. Its time for me to turn in before I hit the keyboard... again. haha wtyl!!!

-Sportygirl15

So I'm starting to think that I don't do things like others in this life game...really I have never taken the proper path or the normal path never one to do it easily I'm just so stubborn but it has all worked out every thing every new challenge every new event and turn has been hard at first but always turned out to be so life improving made me grow and do things I didn't think were possible....like becoming a professional photographer, living in sf, having a major job, all my unbelievable travels internationally and locally. All the people I have gotten the chance to meet to see to feel has been such a real blessing and I know going into this new phase of life new job new opportunities possibility of new love new life and new adventure will not only test me but make me stronger :)

So now to start sharing my entries!!
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Today Erin &�I took the girls to the beach today &�as always I kept finding myself thinking of Mike. Aleea is doing so much lately some good &�some bad that I would just love to have him by my side for. She is now telling me I am a downer I am not real happy about that. I text him &�told him about her saying that &�boobies. He seemed ok but now he didn't even call her to tell her good night. I think I hurt when he does this more than she does. I love them both so much &�wish to God we could all just live together &�have a happy life. She was running through the house w/ a pink cowboy hat on saying yea haw it was so funny! I was at work last week reading our old emails &�up until May in which I think was about the same time he started really�seeing her he was playing a great role in our life’s. We had talked about taking her to the circus. We spent Easter together now she’s in the picture so I can’t be &�Aleea is going to get hurt. I don’t know who I hate more her, him, or myself! God I wish I could fix this mess! Will my heart ever feel better? Is his love gone forever? Would he love me if she was gone?

The single biggest time waste in my life is people who bring negativity to me. I have begun to weed them out. I am trying my best to surround myself w/ positive people that I can learn from &�be a positive influence. Not those add stress &�more unneeded heartache to my life. Some people like to cause drama &�can’t stand to see others happy. As much as I hate to say it most of those negative people Mike pointed out but I was too hard headed to listen. I had to learn on my own. Well as�I�told him I am taking this time to examine my life &�learn from my past mistakes. I need to do this in order to build a POSITIVE FUTURE!

one of my best friends gabby is over and my brothers are being sick around her.

we were watching a movie and my brother starts talking about a boner...like gabby or i care. and ew!!!

well gabby and i get to babysit my three younger siblings tomorrow and two extra kids. and then my dad might take me, gabby, jason, and devin to see harry potter. finally.

well i gotta go. bye

xo, justice

Well I think I am going to use this to write things I want to say but shouldn't to Mike. Right now he is @ the Flea Market selling the things from our store in Il. We use to go to the Flea Market every weekend as our family things. I wonder as he is sitting there w/ her is he things about us? Does he even miss those times like I do? Maybe she is enough to keep his mind occupied. I should prob. be finding someone to do the same. i talk to guys but when it actually comes time to meet I seem to chicken out. I just dont really want anyone else but him right now. I just wish I wasn't so REPLACEABLE!!!!!!!!!!!

Well this is my first entry to my new journal. So much is going on in my life that I want to be able to look back &�possibly allow others to also one day &�see where my heart has been.

To start w/ we moved back to Florida in November mainly for me. This past March Mike &�I broke up. At the time I thought it was the best thing due to the fighting but now I find myself going crazy missing him. He has moved on w/ someone else & that a whole other entry in itself. I LOVE HIM w/ all my heart & want life to work for us, the family &�life we built, but above all because I truly to love him.

I regret more than anything the choices I have made & I know a lot of the fault falls on me. I won’t take total but I will take a HUGE part of it. The issues we had could have &�should have been worked through.

None of this matters now I have asked him back &�he said he wants to get his self together &�me get myself together but he can’t predict what the future will bring. In my heart I feel a huge part of his lack of interest in getting back together is due to her but I still can’t change that either.

What I can do is try to make the very best life I can for Aleea &�myself. Right now we are struggling &�I am so scared I won’t be able to take care of her. I know she deserves so much better than I can give her right now. One thing I do know is that she has 2 parents that love her more than life itself.

�was a very lazy day 2day slow @ wrk so I desided to go shopping trying to find some cool stuff for my man i saw a cool shirt i want to get $150.00 for a vintage but there is only med size n return policy is within 30 days.. i don't know what size shirt he wears and i don't want to ask him coz then that will give him idea that am shopping for him, also been looking @ movado watch i know he wants one so i want to get him one for xmas. but by then i many not have a job n wont able to afford it so i want to buy it now.. but there is also invicta watch i like for him for about �$2,000 i dont know which one i should get

Intergrity in the outward parts,

Within, I claim every promise written by Jesus Christ,

Without , the exterior portions.

I have to exercise more !